Patience & Honesty

2.17.07 Patience & Honesty

It is Saturday again and somehow I have slipped into a routine of living here. Without realizing it, I slide through the days. I can’t believe that another week has passed; I am slowly becoming accustomed to this place, learning to live in it and trying to be realistic about the stretch of my own arms while my eyes and heart stray daily into the multitude of temptations that come with the emergence of a new life.

There are so many things to say. Monuments of sensation are being constructed on rickety foundations in my mind. While the days melt away, everything that is new slowly sifts itself into the common activities of daily life. Perhaps it is fatigue, but I feel as if the shiny lacquer that glosses everything that is slowly being covered by a fine layer of orange dust. Now, I remember that one of the duties I have chosen for myself is that of housecleaner: with my writing, I intend to wipe my finger through the dust and uncover pieces that still awe me. By doing that, I intend to build a stronger foundation based on honesty to myself and to the new place I call my home.

Right now, unfortunately, the difficulties are what keep coming to me. I know myself well enough to realize that one of the biggest reasons for this is fatigue. I have never, in all my travels, jumped so deeply into a job as quickly as I am doing right now. The day after I arrived, I went to work, and have worked every weekday since, including moments today and a significant chunk of tomorrow. I go to work by 8:30 and generally return home around 5:30. I am still trying to situate in my new home, which means that time spent not working on CFH is spent trying to get my house together. I must clarify that “get my house together” is a very broad term. It encompasses spending a lot time getting to know my neighbors, trying to speak Bambara, figure out prices, clarify boundaries with my guardien (more on that to come), find food, meet women, set up furniture, build a garden, cook, get my laundry done, etc. It means trying hard to get my bearings in my immediate surroundings rather than exploring the hills or the centre ville or the night clubs or the supermarket or the artisan village, or writing as much as I would like to. I know this will all come and I am content where I am, knowing that I have three years here. I have chosen to try holding patience in my right hand and honesty in my left for these weeks. Despite my intentions, they are both proving to be very slippery elements in my driven life these days.